Moms get a lot of the blame whenever a child grows into an adult that becomes a psychopath or a screw-up. Almost every problem usually gets traced back to what kind of mom someone had versus what kind of dad.
The good moms stick around no matter whether a father walks out or pretends he never had a child. The great moms learn that they put their kids first by taking care of their own mental health and lifestyle in order to be the best example their kid can have.
Moms mess up and make mistakes, just like dads do. Moms constantly stress if they are parenting right or if they are devoting enough time. Moms can get overbearing or absolutely distant.
How a kid turns out isn't solely the result of what kind of mom or dad they have. As they grow up, the bulk of things come down to personal choice and drive. However, how an adult was treated or what they saw as a child does have major influence on why they choose as they do.
So in honor of Mother's Day at the start of next week, let's look at these signs that you have or had a mom to hug forever (and your friends, too):
1) She attempted or was able to maintain a relationship with your father. Let's face it, no relationship is easy. Sometimes total opposites connect and make a child or career and finances pull people apart. When two people can choose concern over what is best for their child's health or well-being, regardless of whether or not they stay together, then they are totally worthy of the responsibility of guardianship.
There are thousands of men who have had to resort to hiring lawyers just to be able to have a relationship with their child. Some kids grow into adults never knowing who their father is, having no photos or meaningful experiences with both of their parents together, or have no relationship with their other parent's relatives. If you've found yourself with a mom that tried to give you a sense of identity, you have been blessed.
2) She cares about whether she is a role model. Every woman that bears a child is not capable of raising one or even has concern about doing it. Some moms don't change their negative habits or make themselves available to the needs of the human they are responsible for. If you ended up with a phenomenal mom, she taught you wrong from right by doing her best to show you.
The best moms are sometimes the annoying ones because they are constantly wanting you to be careful or pressure you to be at your best. You may have seen your mom trying to always keep the house clean, taking classes, dressing her best, or working to move up the career ladder. You may have seen your mom striving to be a good partner to your dad or her significant other. They give their best effort and they expect you to.
3) She makes temporary or permanent sacrifices for you. I have a friend who changed up where she lived in order to accommodate her son and grandchildren for their visitation. I remember my mom returning things to the store that she bought for herself in order to buy us something that we needed when I was younger. There are moms who give up their careers to care for their sick children or they make sure your friends got fed if they were over at the house for whatever reason. Some people know this is what a mom should do but not everyone is fortunate to have one that does.
4) She makes effort to know the people in your life. Would your mom be able to reach out to your friends or your significant other if you went missing or wanted to plan a surprise party for you? Does your mom listen intently when you vent about your coworkers or your medical professionals? Does she mind it when your friends come along on plans you made or give you that heads up when something just isn't right about somebody in your circle? If she does, one day you will thank her if that day hasn't already come.
5) She's concerned about how you take care yourself. Sometimes she nags you about what eat or she's always asking you whether you ate at all. She makes effort to make sure your favorite things are stocked when you finally drop by or inspects if that mole looks normal. She may slide you money you didn't ask for or question if you're sure about that controversial thing you're about to do. Moms that love you spent all their time when you were a baby making sure that nothing could harm you... that rarely changes.
6) She checks in. Some people go weeks not hearing from their kids. Some go months. Some go hours. Some kids grow into adults who are extremely independent and parents learn they "don't have to worry". Others are very attached and hearing their mom's voice consistently or vice versa gives them a sense of security. Moms that enjoy checking in either adore your company or they just want to know you are safe. She may genuinely like you as a person and for her, having your presence is a measure of uplift.
7) She notices changes. Are you gaining or losing a lot of weight thanks to a lifestyle change? Does she notice when there's something you're not saying or when you change your appearance in a subtle way? Was your mom the first to tell you were expecting without the announcement or that you might be heading for that divorce? Granted, some moms are clueless and barely know their kids after a time, but if your mom is still picking up nonverbal clues about who you are, you've got a mom there's no need to keep secrets from.
8) She allows for self expression. Some moms are control freaks. It isn't necessarily because they disagree with your choices. Sometimes it's just to avoid the mess that will need to be undone later. Moms that hold on too tight by trying to mold or protect their kids can often breed rebellious ones instead. Moms that gave you the freedom to make the mistakes, try that crazy hairstyle, or take that trip that might lead to nowhere have helped to teach you confidence, adventure, and possibility. If you've been able to build the life you wanted with your mom's assistance rather than pressure, you need to appreciate her.
9) She helps clean up that mess. She may tell you "I told you so" but she may also make herself available if you actually want her help righting your wrongs. She didn't try to kill you when you got crayon on those walls, you cut off your eyelashes, or you got caught with that crowd you shouldn't have been with. Your mom made sure to correct you but you were not disowned or abandoned. If you know you can always come home, you have a mom to love forever.
10) She's willing to take your advice. People that get to stick around in the world get older and times change. New advances happen all the time. Maybe your mom wants your opinion on getting her groove back or what not to do on Facebook. Maybe she wants your input on making that career change or adjustment to the house. Perhaps she is wondering if she should see that doctor or try that new exercise craze. If your mom reaches out to you for your valuable input and actually follows through sometimes on what you suggest, you have a mom certainly worthy of respect for trusting your judgment.
This post is dedicated to my own mom, Patricia, who always did the best with what she had and taught us what it is to be a good person; to my sisters and my cousins; to Aunt Elsie, Barbara C., Miriam S., Viki H., Carla M., Janna G., Vernita W., Bernice P., Veronica B., and Theodosia A.,-- moms who have had direct impact upon the direction of my life and kept it heading in the right direction in addition to my mom; and to my friend moms, Krystal M., Angela F., Pamela B., Nikki B., Charlene F., Chene A., Jennifer O., to name a few, who have been inspiration and support both before and after I transitioned to motherhood.
I was born from one mom and raised by many... a cycle I gratefully see repeating in my own child. It gives me comfort to know that being a mom isn't the burden some make it seem, but is a gift, even through struggle. A child does not have to be yours in order for you to love.
If you have or had a mom like this, please share this post and pass the love forward to your own child or to their friends. The goodness will last a lifetime and they will remember your impact. Want to add to the list of what phenomenal moms do? Drop a comment!